This from Christchurch entrepreneur Ben Kepes, whom readers will remember for his tenacious, and sometimes cheeky, efforts to keep his IT, outdoor equipment and coffee businesses running through the September 4 quake.
I'm something of a "Kiwi hard bastard".
I've been a paramedic and am currently a volunteer firefighter so death and destruction are kind of par for the course.
But today was different.
After six-odd months of seismic activity, today may become known as the event that really broke people.
Walking around the city this afternoon there was the usual horror, surreal feelings and concern, but there was also an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.
Seeing the buildings that had stood proud during September's quake, seeing emergency services tragically needed for something they've trained for years for, and passing lots of people packing up and simple moving away from the city, I was left wondering what it means for Christchurch as a city.
The damage, compounded on that of the previous few months, just feels a little bit too much, a little bit too hard of an ask.
But after a narrow escape from a building that was severely damaged in the quake, after jumping under a wildly swaying desk, after an afternoon helping in rescue efforts, maybe I just need to get some sleep and put this horrible day firmly behind me.
THEN AND NOW: The building Kepes' co-owns was yellow carded after the September 4 quake, though by external appearances, and an initial engineer's report, it looked sound. This afternoon, there's no doubt it's totaled.
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Ben Kepes: For a Kiwi hard bastard, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness
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